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Introduction

Welcome

Dragging My Feet

My friend Andrew Scott, who has designed this site for me, has been asking me for words. For some reason I have been dragging my feet. I am not entirely sure why, perhaps it’s because in so doing it means I am officially putting myself out there, the unveiling of self so to speak. In coming here I hope you are encouraged and find words that will resonate with you.

I encourage you to look around, even more important i ask you to share your thoughts. I desire this site to be a conversation. Through your participation this site can come to life and hopefully be a source of comport and inspiration. My wish, is for it to be a celebration of our humanity. The operative word is “our”, like Andrew who asked me for words, I am asking you for your words. Give me words, give me emotion, give me thoughts. This can be our place, you don’t have to be a writer to participate, you just need to allow yourself just a bit of vulnerbility and the rest will just happen. We are all just a breath/word away from learning more about ourselves.

In asking you to allow yourself to be vulnerable, i will start out by sharing a very personal part of my journey. I have learned a lot about myself and have come a long way from being abused at the hands of my father. I still have some residual behaviours, the following poem deals with this behaviour. I thought if i want you to be real, what better place to start than with myself. Some of you might not understand and that is ok, in the end we are all doing the best we can today. For me, through most of my life i have wanted people to see me as having it all together. In the end that keeps people at arms length. So here goes, are you ready?


Ripping

I rip and chew at my edges
Trying to eradicate
Placate
Eleviate
My pain
The anxiety The part of me that threatens to freeze
My mental disease
The part I hope no one sees
The inner demons I wish to appease


The tattoos that your artistry
Injected
Under my skin
With invisible ink
Yet I feel it there with the words I think
As I claw and bite into my pink


I wish to be smoothed out
Cared about
As the blood appears it calms my shout
Exquisite pleasure wrapped in the pain
With it, some level of relief I attain


I tell myself
I can't
I won't
do it again
Yet with chewing
I feel my inner turmoil wane
The weaker bits
The inner head stitches
It helps me scratch, those indiscernible itches
Stopping the soul twitches


In shame I hide my hands
Fingers and things
The evidence my body sings
Strategicly placed
My problems kind of erased
In fabric bandages encased
Still desperation has a taste
Inner turmoil only temporarily chased


Was I designed for this
Some kind of inner sickness
Expressed in a serpent's kiss
As I'm hypnotized by it's hiss
I wonder
Is there a way
to fix this
I wish to be
a fully healed
Calmer witness
Perhaps this is my litmus
Another test I fail
For I'm a blind man
Who can't read braille


I'm bound by ropes
That help me cope
Evidence I can't wash away with soap
I wanted your yes
But always got your nope
Became an inner pauper
Surrounded by hope
Still deep down I feel like a dope


I know I have much to be thankful for
Greatly blessed I can't ask for more
Still I fear what might be waiting for me
An imaginary enemy
Hidden behind the next door
Threatening my hope for a peaceful shore
Still I know this inner tension is a gift
It's a wave on which, I've been given a lift
It helps me travel far and swift
As within life's currents I hear the music shift.
There is a tune I wish to sing
Above the maddening ring
A new place from which I wish to begin
Beyond tattoos
And cracked and bleeding skin.
Peaceful rivers
Flowing from within.


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